Think of Me
by Yet-Another-Weasley
Summary: Focused on Sara and her dealing with everything that’s been going on. Stuff about her past. GSR maybe...happy ending? Sara and Grissom POVs
1. Reflections

**Think of Me**

Disclaimer: I still do not own any part of the show CSI… I'll let you know when I do… but don't count on that ever happening... only in my dreams D

Description: Focused on Sara and her dealing with everything that's been going on. Stuff about her past. OOCness (because I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be having the conversation she has with Grissom in Ch2) slight GSR maybe D happy ending?

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**Reflections**

Although it was December, the weather wasn't very cold. All Sara wore out of her apartment was a short sleeved shirt with a light jacket over top and some worn jeans. She got into her car and started the drive over to the lab for another night on the Graveyard Shift. She sighed, another day of her life had gone by and all she had done was slept, ate, and gone to work; what kind of a life is that? Greg was young and he went out, had dates, and had friends. Warrick and Nick watched football on Sunday. She only knew that because she had to go over Warrick's place once to grab some papers for a case. Of course, even Catherine had a normal life. The only other person besides her that didn't have a social life was Grissom. Sara wasn't sure why, but she took a liking to him. She only wished he would have given her a chance two years ago when she had asked him to dinner. Ever since that night and another case about a year after that, things between her and Grissom had changed….

Both of them knew their feelings for each other. Grissom knew that Sara felt something for him and inside he knew that he felt something for her, but he was just too afraid to chance a relationship with someone he cared about. Sara knew that Grissom had some feeling towards her, or at least he did at one time. Right now, though, she wasn't sure. She barely talked to him and when she did, it was about work and the cases they were investigating. Lately, she felt better keeping her thoughts and feelings to herself and as she would sit alone in the lab, working on something, she'd just view everyone else from inside her head, as if she weren't there, but just someone watching through a window.

Nobody knew it, but the last case they had worked on had brought back childhood fears and nightmarish memories. She remembered her mother's case and being sent around to different houses with other kids of all ages. Perhaps that was what made her so secluded. For years she hadn't any friends and when she finally did, she would be separated from them and then the process would start over. So she started confiding in books and learning. Books didn't disappear and as long as she needed, the unlearned information would help focus her mind on other things besides her life. Finally, one day, she was out of the system and finally living her own life, without anyone there to keep her from living it to the fullest. But she couldn't live her life to the fullest. Her life was now her work and that was all. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to get close to anyone, for fear that they would be taken away from her and she'd suffer once more.

Moving to Las Vegas changed all that. There was something about Grissom when she first met him in California that made her let her guard down. Finally she opened up to the whole team and she felt like she was part of a family again. But Grissom let her down and at first it was like the end of the world again. Every time he pushed her away, he would think and then let her think that he needed her and that everyone else did, too. So that's why she stayed in Las Vegas for five years, five rough years, but still five years.

Lately, she had thought of giving up again, but where would she go? Would she move back to California and hope to somehow pick up on life at where she'd left off. But, then again, did she ever really have a life there or did it start when she came to Las Vegas? She had no real friends, not like she did here and all she worried about was her job. If she was living, it sure wasn't to the fullest. She remembered herself. The only place in public she went on her own time was to the food store and if she didn't need food to survive than she wouldn't have left her house outside of work. She never loved or was loved.

That changed when she came to Las Vegas. People cared about her, even though it took a while to gain their trusts, afterwards they became her first family. She was sure that if she moved away, all of that would be lost. If she gave up now, how long would it take her to get to where she had been? It could take years to make new friends, lifelong friends like she had made here. No, she couldn't leave Las Vegas.

But could she stay? So much had happened in the past five years. Could she handle any more of it?

She would have to and if all else failed and she still wasn't happy, she would have to face the person she was most afraid of confronting; Gil Grissom.


	2. Confrontation

Disclaimer: don't own anything, never will, (self: keep dreaming lol)

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**Confrontation**

She stepped into the building and put down her things in the locker room. There she sat for the longest while until someone came in the doorway and got a hold of her attention.

"Sara? You okay?" the man asked.

"Yes," she started, "No… I don't know… I'll be fine."

He gave her that certain look which worried her. She didn't feel right when she was being worried about. She never had been worried about. Nobody ever cared about her and she didn't feel right when she knew someone was thinking about her.

"Sara?"

She looked up, "Don't worry about me. Where's our new crime scene?" She tried to change the subject.

"I am worried about you, Sara. I'll tell you as soon as Greg gets here."

Sure enough, they heard someone come in and walk quickly down the hallway; Greg. The young, now CSI placed his stuff down, not even noticing that Grissom and Sara had just been talking and where standing there in the same room as him.

"Hey Greg," Sara welcomed; glad to have the attention on someone else and to break the awkwardness from a few seconds ago.

Surprised, he turned around to find Sara and Grissom standing there behind him, "Whoa, where did you two come from?"

"We've been in here since before you got here. Believe it or not, you walked right by us."

"Right, sorry. I'm a little out of it."

"Well, you'd better get back _into_ it because we have two db's and Sophia isn't here to help so we're one man short tonight."

"Where is she?"

"Took a week and a half off for personal reasons…"

That cheered Sara up a bit. Lately, she felt like she had been pushed aside; ever since Sophia came into the picture. She knew that if Grissom ever felt anything for her that it was over. She could feel that his interest was now focused less on her and more on Sophia. That was her reasoning for despising the new woman.

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Hours later, shift was over, but Sara was still sitting at the computer, trying to find a match to the prints she had collected from the scene. Greg walked by and said goodbye and soon Grissom walked by as well.

"Bye Sara. See you later." He said, "I hope you're going to go home. You need some rest, Sara."

"Thanks, but I'm fine, really."

Finally, she was the only one left. She stayed at the computer, not moving until she found a match. But the longer she sat there, the more doubtful she became that she was going to get any results soon. Eventually, her eyes became weary and she found herself drifting in and out of sleep. The chair she was sitting in was not very comfortable, so she searched for a place to lie down. Remembering that Grissom had that small couch in his office, she walked in and fell asleep almost instantly.

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	3. Wake Up

Disclaimer: Still don't own CSI…only in my dreams…still... that's better than nothing, right? lol.

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**Wake Up**

(Grissom's POV for a bit)

Grissom walked into the lab later that evening and dropped off his stuff on his desk. Little did he know that Sara was in there sleeping. At first he didn't notice, but sure enough, he heard her slow, mechanical breathing and looked over.

"Sara?" he whispered even though he knew that she was asleep and wouldn't hear her.

He was right, she didn't hear him. _Should I wake her? _He thought. S_he looks so peaceful like that. _

Seconds later, Sara opened her eyes and noticed that she was in Grissom's office and Grissom was there, watching her.

"Hey," he said, trying not to make everything awkward.

"Sorry," she started, "I was so tired earlier. What time is it? I'd better go check the computer; see if I got a match to those prints."

"It's seven and I checked, no match yet. It could take a while, though. Do you want to talk?" He asked.

"I'm fine. Seriously, let me go check the computer."

He had no choice but to let her go. He let her go like he did all those other times before. How much had he wanted to stop her and tell her everything? How many times had he dreamed that everything would work out between them and they could be happy together instead of alone and apart? In the back of his mind, he knew his dreams would never come true unless he said something. That would never happen.

Oh how he longed to tell her how he felt, but he would never bring himself to. He had almost had her once, but of course he froze. Would today be any different?

Could he change today? Would he go running after her or would he stay there and let her get farther and farther away from him? No, he couldn't let the latter happen, but he couldn't choose the other choice. He chose his job over her. Inside, he knew he couldn't have her. If he had her, then he wouldn't be able to protect her. But if he didn't have her, she would run away forever and he wouldn't know what may have really happened if he told her he loved her.

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(Sara POV)

She left the room in a hurry, back to the computer to see if anything had come up while she was gone, but Grissom was right, there were no matches. Her mind now awake and racing, she sat down, watching the screen and thinking. Often she would sit and think, whether it be about the case and the evidence or everything that was going on around her. She tried to think of what she was going to do about Grissom, though she had thought this countless many times before and come up with nothing. People simply baffled her and they always had. Over the years, she secluded herself, not getting attached to anyone, for fear that something would happen and she'd get hurt. It proved a good idea, but in the long run, she had no idea she was doing this to herself. She was anti-social, shy, a book-worm… not a people person and not a person who deals very well with relationships. She hadn't had much experience with anyone in her life; In her thirties and gone through high school and college single, liking people who would never respect her or like her back. This relationship with Grissom was the same way.

She'd got to thinking how after a while she didn't want a relationship, didn't need the hassle or the worry or the hurting, but coming to Las Vegas, something changed. Sure, work was important, but she came here with hope. She'd almost had him, but he pushed her away. Had he ever shown that he cared for her? Perhaps he did, but even so, she'd push him away for what he'd done to her. Had that happened every time? Had every time he'd almost gotten courage to tell her how he felt, she'd been angry and dismissed it for his past mistakes? What had she done? Had she caused this to happen to herself?

A tear rolled down her cheek, but her eyes had not removed from the screen where she'd been staring intently for some time now. Finally, when Greg popped his head in, just arriving for the beginning of the shift, did Sara snap to and wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Hey," she said, without looking behind her.

"Hey, I just saw Grissom. He said to tell you we're heading back to the hotel to get the security tapes of the hallway and seeing if we get anything from that. If you need anything, page us. See ya."

"Bye Greg."

Back to herself again, she sighed. Maybe she should talk to Grissom instead of pushing him away. She took out a small piece of paper.

_Grissom, _

_I think we need to talk._

_Sara._

She left it on his desk, cleared her mind, and went back to work on the case.


	4. Think of Me

_Yeah, well the story continues... Still trying to think of where this is going.. Once I get back in my writing mood I'll think of something interesting... Until then... I hope you like my "okay" ideas... D don't hate me if it takes a little while for me to develop this fic... _

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**Standing In Your Doorway**

_Here I am, standing in your doorway_ she thought, _like so many times before. I only hope you don't open the door to see who it is and then slam it in my face when you find out its me._

The door to Grissom's office was closed, so she acted polite and knocked before she heard Grissom say to come in.

She entered silently, waiting for him to strike up a conversation. _Hopefully, he got my note. _She thought, but then again, she hoped it had gotten lost somewhere and he hadn't found it. Suddenly, she found that she had no idea what she was going to say.

"Sara, I do think we need to talk," Grissom said and she took another few steps into the room and sat down on the couch, leaning her head back against the wall. "Would you like to go first?"

She didn't say anything, just shook her head, so Grissom was the first to say anything.

"I'm sorry I've been so foolish. I'm an old man who's never been in love in his life so naturally, I'm seriously inexperienced in that field. I'm sorry for all that's happened since you've came to Las Vegas."

Sara leaned forward and stared at the ground, "But it's my fault. If I hadn't come here, none of this would have happened. If I had kept my stupid feelings to myself, none of this would have happened and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"But if I had listened to my feelings, we wouldn't be having this conversation…"

She looked up at him. _Where was he going with this? _She wondered and waited for him to say something else.

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." He quoted James Baldwin. "I was so afraid that if I changed the way I live, that nothing good could come of it, but now I realize that I had nothing good in this life to throw away."

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never." She quoted, "I was afraid too, but I took a chance."

"Is it too late for me to take my chance?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"It almost was once, but no, I don't think you're too late."

As she left his office, she hummed to herself, singing the lyrics in her head,

"When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart back  
and be free -  
if you  
ever find  
a moment  
spare a thought  
for me ..."

_Well, yes, tis the end of this fic. Hehe.. I had Phantom of the Opera in my mind when I wrote this, hence the title and the end bit.. lyrics from Think of Me. Yeah.. well I need to think and get some new ideas.. I think its because of being off from school and no CSI on Spike until Wednesday. I need something to inspire some good idea I can go with.. :D Until then.. hope you enjoyed this short fic.. D_

_Happy New Year!_


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